This sounds like the reason I told my wife not to work as a vet receptionist. The mental and emotional burden of knowing of horrific things happening, especially in relative proximity, can be a lot. Take care of yourself Pige, your friends are here if you need to talk
You never know when life will do its best to eat you whole. Persevere, and live to the fullest of your potential. Love the ones who love you. Be kind. <3