CW: Brief descriptions of abuse as well as my own thoughts of suicide. Please do not read the text that is spoilered and between the ">>" symbols if you are sensitive to these types of things. Be safe.
Hello everyone, it’s me your favorite moderator. I’m going to preface this by saying it’s going to be heavy. I’ll be talking about myself when I was in a super dark place. Please do not read the section that will be in between these marks if you don’t want to deal with that type of rambling.
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This is genuinely why I do believe life DOES get better. I know it hurts right now, and I know how bad it gets, and I KNOW it’ll be easier to stop worrying, but if you don’t I truly believe your life is worth living. I believe you deserve to give yourself a chance, I want you to go “maybe I should stay a little longer” because I believe every fucking second is worth it. You are so precious to somebody in this world, and every second you spend in it is a second they are grateful for your continued life. Please, do not underestimate your own worth as a person, because it is always more than you'd think. You are loved. You are wanted. You are somebody worth living for. Every day gets brighter.
That's why I'm thankful of the fact I'm still alive. I'm thankful for the people who have always pulled me out of the pit I dig myself into. They love me, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for all of you, for being people I can laugh, joke around with, and just enjoy myself around. You all deserve so much love, and so much thanks. Thank you, Giant's Lair.
Now I'd like to ask you something. What are you thankful for? It could be something big, it could be something small, I don't mind. Just let me know. What are you thankful for, Giant's Lair?
Hello everyone, it’s me your favorite moderator. I’m going to preface this by saying it’s going to be heavy. I’ll be talking about myself when I was in a super dark place. Please do not read the section that will be in between these marks if you don’t want to deal with that type of rambling.
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Not to long ago, about two years ago, it was 2024. And my life was completely falling apart. The support group I’d had which consisted of 3 other people I was extremely close to had split into two groups. The one I formed with my friend, and the other which had my two former friends. The person I was with wasn’t in the right state of mind, and I wasn’t either. We were codependent to the point I considered him one of the few “true” friends I had left. Every issue I had made its way back to him one way or another. Of course, this caused issues between us as well. Not because we didn’t care or we had friction, but because we cared too much. We got stuck in a loop where I hated not being able to help him, stressing myself out, which in turn did the same to him. This did not lessen in any degree for months.
My home life with my father was survivable. I love him, and I love the kids he has with his girlfriend, but it was so hard to exist there because they fought because of me constantly. I was blamed for certain issues, and I do want to take responsibility for some of it, but there are times where things were said which had no reason to be. This served to further damage my mental health. It was at that point I began to contemplate a permanent solution to my problems (which I never went through with <3) and it made my every day life even worse. I fought with my dad almost daily for months on end, he fought with his gf nigh daily, we were kicked out of the house multiple times and have lived in hotels near by while they cooled down.
They’ve always come back together however. My dad has lain his hand on me in those months multiple times, some through my own goading and some through his drunkenness as an alcoholic. This is not to say I don’t love him, because I do. That is all I will say about him.
As the year grew worse and worse, I had finally steeled myself to do it. I’d made plans to do away with everything one day, and I’d been extra attentive to my siblings. I washed the dishes, I cooked food, I said “I love you” to my father, his gf, and his kids. As I was washing dishes, he said to me “you’ll understand when you’ll have kids of you own,” and I almost broke down crying because I thought that would never happened.
Come night, I’m on my phone and watching hours tick by and anxiously going through messages with a friend. He’d been asleep, and wouldn’t respond to me. I rationalized it to myself “I won’t go until I say goodbye to him at least.” And so I didn’t. And then it happened again, and again. Until I realized I was scared. This didn’t in anyway improve my mental health, and I’d say it even helped tank it, because now I’d be living through longer periods of distress and pain. But I stayed because of my friend, who I was scared to leave alone. I truly do believe if it wasn’t for him, and if I was a little more impulsive, I wouldn’t be here to make friends with all of you.
My home life with my father was survivable. I love him, and I love the kids he has with his girlfriend, but it was so hard to exist there because they fought because of me constantly. I was blamed for certain issues, and I do want to take responsibility for some of it, but there are times where things were said which had no reason to be. This served to further damage my mental health. It was at that point I began to contemplate a permanent solution to my problems (which I never went through with <3) and it made my every day life even worse. I fought with my dad almost daily for months on end, he fought with his gf nigh daily, we were kicked out of the house multiple times and have lived in hotels near by while they cooled down.
They’ve always come back together however. My dad has lain his hand on me in those months multiple times, some through my own goading and some through his drunkenness as an alcoholic. This is not to say I don’t love him, because I do. That is all I will say about him.
As the year grew worse and worse, I had finally steeled myself to do it. I’d made plans to do away with everything one day, and I’d been extra attentive to my siblings. I washed the dishes, I cooked food, I said “I love you” to my father, his gf, and his kids. As I was washing dishes, he said to me “you’ll understand when you’ll have kids of you own,” and I almost broke down crying because I thought that would never happened.
Come night, I’m on my phone and watching hours tick by and anxiously going through messages with a friend. He’d been asleep, and wouldn’t respond to me. I rationalized it to myself “I won’t go until I say goodbye to him at least.” And so I didn’t. And then it happened again, and again. Until I realized I was scared. This didn’t in anyway improve my mental health, and I’d say it even helped tank it, because now I’d be living through longer periods of distress and pain. But I stayed because of my friend, who I was scared to leave alone. I truly do believe if it wasn’t for him, and if I was a little more impulsive, I wouldn’t be here to make friends with all of you.
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This is genuinely why I do believe life DOES get better. I know it hurts right now, and I know how bad it gets, and I KNOW it’ll be easier to stop worrying, but if you don’t I truly believe your life is worth living. I believe you deserve to give yourself a chance, I want you to go “maybe I should stay a little longer” because I believe every fucking second is worth it. You are so precious to somebody in this world, and every second you spend in it is a second they are grateful for your continued life. Please, do not underestimate your own worth as a person, because it is always more than you'd think. You are loved. You are wanted. You are somebody worth living for. Every day gets brighter.
That's why I'm thankful of the fact I'm still alive. I'm thankful for the people who have always pulled me out of the pit I dig myself into. They love me, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for all of you, for being people I can laugh, joke around with, and just enjoy myself around. You all deserve so much love, and so much thanks. Thank you, Giant's Lair.
Now I'd like to ask you something. What are you thankful for? It could be something big, it could be something small, I don't mind. Just let me know. What are you thankful for, Giant's Lair?
