Pending Siddo's Discord Staff Application
- Thread starter Siddo
- Start date
my perspective is that you got ground to a halt by a proverbial brick wall, and cut your losses rather than continue to be ground down by said wall. i love you siddo, but this happened when you were an admin under anna -- what do you think'll happen if you do fill anna's role? how do you expect to avoid having the same situation happen again, this time without anna standing alongside you?
when you resigned, you said: "I will do more harm to myself than good for the community if I continue as staff presently, and so I'd really rather not."
it's been less than 12 days my boy. I have no doubt that you're good for the role, i'm just dubious of the decision on your end.
-1
Let me start with this, This is not because I don't think you'd be a good Communications Lead. I am fully confident if you are to get the role. You will do a mighty fine job in this role.
My concern is less than 2 weeks ago. I watched you chat in circles for almost 3 hours in a locked channel (downfall of community) ending with you resigning on the spot. You post a resignation citing mental health issues. In which I completely understand and relate with as at the end of my tenure, I was at my wits end with how things were transpiring.
Titan put it the best, the wall is going to be there regardless of role. And if It got to you as Admin, it will 100% be there as a lead. I really don't want to see you burn yourself out even worse. Or worsen your mental as a result of this.
If you get the role. I will Stand behind you at all times. I'm just not sure it's in your best interest to go for this.
Let me start with this, This is not because I don't think you'd be a good Communications Lead. I am fully confident if you are to get the role. You will do a mighty fine job in this role.
My concern is less than 2 weeks ago. I watched you chat in circles for almost 3 hours in a locked channel (downfall of community) ending with you resigning on the spot. You post a resignation citing mental health issues. In which I completely understand and relate with as at the end of my tenure, I was at my wits end with how things were transpiring.
Titan put it the best, the wall is going to be there regardless of role. And if It got to you as Admin, it will 100% be there as a lead. I really don't want to see you burn yourself out even worse. Or worsen your mental as a result of this.
If you get the role. I will Stand behind you at all times. I'm just not sure it's in your best interest to go for this.
Siddo, I consider you my friend, and I hope you can view this after this message.
Siddo, you resigned less than 2 weeks weeks ago. You resigned completely, including your advisor rank.
I'll be frank here in that coming back and applying in all honesty for a lead admin position comes off with hubris.
As someone who has suffered from mental health, 2 weeks is nothing when it comes to fixing or even lessening them. Not every mental health situation or experience is the same, and I don't know yours but i hope you can explain what has changed other than a lead admin position being opened since you resigned.
Honestly, I will be giving this application a soft -1 the reasons for you coming back are not the right reasons honestly, and they come off as opportunistic rather than as a want to better the community. I can understand wanting to help, but to do it only because a lead position may be open and to honestly go and apply for it directly is just not it in my opinion.
You've been kinda fast tracked once before now, got burnt out, what's the difference, and how would you explain it to the other candidates who see this application and see the resignation, that know you said it yourself hit a wall and couldn't do it, just to come and apply with this hubris.
Siddo, you resigned less than 2 weeks weeks ago. You resigned completely, including your advisor rank.
I'll be frank here in that coming back and applying in all honesty for a lead admin position comes off with hubris.
As someone who has suffered from mental health, 2 weeks is nothing when it comes to fixing or even lessening them. Not every mental health situation or experience is the same, and I don't know yours but i hope you can explain what has changed other than a lead admin position being opened since you resigned.
Honestly, I will be giving this application a soft -1 the reasons for you coming back are not the right reasons honestly, and they come off as opportunistic rather than as a want to better the community. I can understand wanting to help, but to do it only because a lead position may be open and to honestly go and apply for it directly is just not it in my opinion.
You've been kinda fast tracked once before now, got burnt out, what's the difference, and how would you explain it to the other candidates who see this application and see the resignation, that know you said it yourself hit a wall and couldn't do it, just to come and apply with this hubris.
This is accurate and I stand by those words.
I do not and did not regard my resignation as a mistake. I do not regret resigning when I did. Nor do I regret applying now.
As for what I think will happen if I do fill anna's role, I anticipate a lot of frustration and disagreements. I anticipate butting heads with more brick walls.
I do not expect to avoid hitting a brick wall. I do not expect to break down every brick wall I meet. But I do not foresee this run, whatever form it takes, going the same way the last one did.
12 days is a quite short time, but I don't think I can overstate how much energy it has replenished for me. I'm going into this with clarity of how frustrating parts of it will be, tempered by how rewarding it will be to reap what we're sowing.
Got milk?Hey this is my shtick
I don't think I should want to do it either, but I do want to do it and I do think I can do it - without hurting myself.
Thank you for your kind concern.
As it's a recurring talking point, let me clarify one thing.
I did not resign due to my mental health taking a hit. I resigned to avoid it taking a hit. It was preemptive, not reactive.
I signed up during a rather tumultuous time and the longer things went on, the worse they got.
And the worse things got, the more frustrated I grew with the state of things. I went into the discord role with a focus on Discord. And I needed to not only step away but step down to clear my head. This is why I resigned from advisor as well as admin - I needed to completely distance myself.
Applying with the intent of getting to lead admin is a pretty marked shift from "I'm dipping to look out for #1" and I think the response and reaction to that is reasonable.
For myself, I don't think it's in my best interest to go for this. But I also do not think it's against my interests to go for it.
I can do it, I want to do it, and I will do it.
Thank you for taking the time to respond quite in depth as well.
I fully get where you're coming from in this. Both the opportunistic aspect and the hubris perspective.
But I fundamentally disagree with applying for the wrong reasons. My goal isn't lead admin. Lead is a means to an end. My goal is helping the community. Lead is what I see as enabling me to do just that to a point that satisfies me.
And I'm firmly convinced that I both have what it takes to make a good lead admin, and have the passion for the community and the drive to fill out that role.
On the other point. I think it's quite fair to regard it as hubris and opportunism. I do not think of it as hubris, but rather avoiding false humility. I want to be lead. That's the role I'm here to occupy and I see no point in pretending otherwise. I don't think I'll have the latitude to fully carry out what was intended for discord moderation in the capacity of a mod or admin, so I'm going for lead.
As for opportunism... In a sense, yeah. Would I have applied if anna had not resigned? Not for a while. Reason being how much faith I have and had in anna carrying out what needed to be done.
Now, anna has resigned to look out for herself but that leaves a lot of work undone. If nobody picks up the slack, it'll waste much of the effort she and I already vested in the project. And ironically this is where I think having only recently resigned is a benefit. I'll be easy to slot in and uniquely suited to pick up where we left off. Because I was already deeply involved in the process. And shared Anna's vision for what should be done.
I hope that answers some of the concerns and skepticism you have. I'm fully aware of how this looks and I don't think you're wrong for passing that judgment. I think people are right to be skeptical and apprehensive.
I intend to prove myself worthy in spite of the concerns.
Yes and no.
I've had a pretty encouraging conversation with Jabba prior to making this application.
As mentioned in a reply previously, I don't anticipate smooth sailing and never hitting walls. But I'm confident that I can deal with them when we get there. I also don't intend to be a bulldozer, inflexible and running my own show. Rather I intend to foster a team spirit and cooperation at and between every level of staff.
I believe that the team can accomplish this and I think I can play a strong part in making that into reality. But even beyond team synergy, I want to play an active role in making this giants lair a giants home.
Siddo, why do you think the metaphorical walls you keep talking about will be easier to break down when you are lead vs what you and Anna were doing together? It would also help to know what exactly those walls are, that you are hoping to break through.
Also, I'm seeing a lot of talk of your determination and the idea that that alone is enough. What I haven't seen is any explanation of how you plan to achieve your goals. So far, to me, this thread has felt a lot like things are getting answered but not really being answered, you know?
Also, I'm seeing a lot of talk of your determination and the idea that that alone is enough. What I haven't seen is any explanation of how you plan to achieve your goals. So far, to me, this thread has felt a lot like things are getting answered but not really being answered, you know?
Hi, new lead here (I know thats not what you asked for) - just thought I'd chime in here just to say that man this position is like drinking from a fire hose. It hasn't even been a week yet and I can definitely understand why I was warned about this position and why people leave it. I like to think I'm a strong willed individual and just yesterday I was tested. I'm not saying you're not a strong willed person (I wouldn't have +1'd if that was the case), but I am providing some context as a new lead.
This is more an overall notice to non-staff that joining the staff team in any capacity is going to be like hitting the ground SPRINTING right now, theres so much to do so much to
please don't quantify the smash mouth references I've made in the past
Wall difficulty;
As mentioned, I think it'll be harder without anna. I don't think it'll be easier when I'm lead vs when anna and I were working together.
What walls;
Among the primary obstacles I see that would fall within the purview of comms lead is:
- Agennon's communication - I think and have expressed to Agennon previously that the way he communicates sets himself up for failure and by extension affects the community.
- The team's culture - This is harder to quantify, because 'culture' is always a fluffy dimension. What I mean when I say this is the apathy and the negative feedback loops that create the apathy. Such as the way we communicate, the way we interact, and the way those back and forths end up leaving us worse for wear.
- The doom spiral - The hope (or lack of same) that the community has for itself.
- The identity of the community - Are we a TTT community? Are we a Minecraft community? What is our community? The answer might seem obvious, but I think that if you ask around, you'll find very differing opinions on this.
How achieve;
Agennon's communication - Assuming for a moment that I get lead, I'll also beat the shit out of Agennon whenever he's being silly. I think Agennon cares a lot - but what the community sees is him caring about the wrong things. Or not caring enough about the right things. And a lot of this comes down to the way he receives and responds to criticism and feedback. I can guide Agennon into improving this aspect because I know a lot about communication from my professional work life. Also, this is where my previously mentioned encouraging conversation with Agennon comes in. There are places where we will fundamentally disagree and I won't be able to directly affect what Agennon does. But I can follow up on those situations and make sure the good things that were said get to flourish despite the miscommunication that would otherwise get in the way.
The team's culture - Changing a culture takes a long time, especially when it's had a year to take root. Along the way, we - myself included - lost sight of being a fun community that was less serious than its predecessors. As soon as toxic or perceived-toxic things started cropping up, we retreated to our reliable shell of rules and careful wording and professionalism. We need to get back out of that shell and one way to do that is - from leadership and down - to accept that fuck ups happen. Very explicitly say "Sorry about fucking up, we'll get it right next time" - of course tailored to the specific incident. But I think that kind of accountability, humility, and safety are absolutely core to fixing the current staff team. It both repairs trust with the community and between individual community members too. It makes the space more chill when people know that they'll be listened to if they have a grievance, and equally that they won't get absolutely blasted if they do fuck up. Individuals will vary, but creating that culture starts with leadership setting the tone. Beyond that accountability and chilling out, is the simple fact of actually talking with people. We are very good at talking *at* people and *to* people. Less practiced when it comes to speaking with people. I think the team and community could benefit from more open dialogue. How do we achieve that, then - I hear you ask in your head to yourself. By demonstrating it. And I think having someone that can see when the communication is slipping and step in to stop shit from derailing will be helpful. To ask the right questions, to take the first step toward listening instead of getting bogged down in "We can't X until they Y" - which just entrenches people and gets in the way of the community's growth and recovery.
The doom spiral - In working on the former two, I think we'll also start to see massive improvements on this vibe of" the community is dying". All the various expressions. Agennon is failing the community, people are demotivated, everyone is resigning, we're cooked, it's so over. Etc. etc. etc. We're already seeing some good initiatives start to take root, but right now is in my view a critical phase. I think intentionally, consistently, and persistently speaking with people, and involving them, is what we need for us to get out of the doom spiral. A lot of the doom spiral is born from people feeling helpless and growing disillusioned with the community. Making sure voices are heard, making sure feedback is not just heard but acted upon, making sure those impacts are relayed right back to the community, will help. If you tell me "this gun feels shit in ttt", it's not enough that I say "Yeah, I hear you, that gun is kinda ass ngl" - it's almost enough that devs fiddle with the numbers. But we only come full circle when we also go back and say "Yeah, this gun did feel like shit. Since you suggested it, we've tried a few other numbers. How does it feel now?" And I think a comms lead is a really strong role to make sure we come full circle in this way, both by being the engine and by reminding others to close the feedback loop. Such that feedback is heard, acted upon, and the impact demonstrated to the people giving feedback. So you can see how your voices are helping change the community and the things we offer.
The identity of the community - This is another cultural thing. How do we balance people who stick around for the community vs single-issue gamers that just join for TTT, AQW, MC, CS2, etc. How do we make each feel like this is the right place to stick around, to perhaps even dip their toes in more than their main game, and integrate with the community as a whole. And equally how do we filter out the people for whom this isn't the right place, before they stink up the living room. I don't think there is a single, right answer to this. But it starts with listening. And I think that's what I do best. My ideal is that the community is first and foremost its people. Without the people, no community. So for this to be a community, people must feel like a part of it. Like their voice matters. That even though there's hundreds of us, we are each valued in being here. A lot of what I said above directly feeds into this. Beyond that, I think, is a conversation leads need to have. To get a clear vision for what they think the community is and direction for what it ought to be. Right now, I think we're still floundering with people having different directions and ideas that exist in isolation from each other. I think a comms lead should - and I aspire to - get our ducks in a row and have a unified vision for what this community should be. Not just rooted in what the owner thinks or what the leads think or what the admins think or what the staff team thinks. I want us to be a community that is run by, for, and with the community. And in some ways, that is at odds with the current direction, and that's okay. In some ways, Agennon may always pull out the big red card and trump all other decisions, and that's okay. But I think we can get close. And I think it'll be worth it.
I hope that gave something more concrete than "I am gung-ho and here I go". If you have questions, criticisms, or didn't feel like I managed to give something tangible, I'm happy to hear that and I'll try my best to quantify it better.
I love you siddo but I have to agree with the others because I have seen others think that the role matters in making a difference, they get it and quickly learn it doesn't matter.
That being said, my question to you stems from what happened before you resigned and what you told us afterwards, because your resignation was a large part of why I made my post. Me, as well as others have been waiting to see any positive shifts in the culture, so seeing one of the most positive parts of the community resign, then telling us that it was in part due to Jabbas stubbornness on something as simple as decorum, was a significant blow and fed that negative spiral that GL is stuck in. I know obviously it wasn't your intention to do so, but it is what happened. I do appreciate your enthusiasm but I fear it will only lead to the burnout you hoped to avoid by resigning.
That being said, my question to you stems from what happened before you resigned and what you told us afterwards, because your resignation was a large part of why I made my post. Me, as well as others have been waiting to see any positive shifts in the culture, so seeing one of the most positive parts of the community resign, then telling us that it was in part due to Jabbas stubbornness on something as simple as decorum, was a significant blow and fed that negative spiral that GL is stuck in. I know obviously it wasn't your intention to do so, but it is what happened. I do appreciate your enthusiasm but I fear it will only lead to the burnout you hoped to avoid by resigning.
To avoid it going unspoken; I am truly grateful for all of you being skeptical of this application. Not just on its own merits or indeed flaws - which warrant skepticism - but equally in simply looking out for me as a friend.
It really means more than I can reasonably express here.
Thank you.
I am sincerely sorry that I played a part in taking away hope from you. I have not lost hope. I want to prove your fears about the inevitability of things wrong.
Maybe I have a hopeful naivete about my goals.
Maybe I have an overly optimistic outlook on what I can actually accomplish with lead if I took the role.
But I know for a fact that I can take on this project without hurting myself.
And I know in my heart that we can make things better here.